To Whom Shall We Go?

I’ve been itching to write lately. Time has flown by like it always does, and I find myself wondering where the daylight has run off to every evening. I’ve enjoyed a wonderful time with all of my family under one roof, including movie watching, sledding, and eating a lot of food. But I’ll never understand time’s ability to far outrun me, leaving me struggling to grasp for breath as I try to keep up with its quickening pace. But as mama always said, “slow and steady wins the race.” Okay, Aesop actually said that, but I’m sure my mom agrees with him.

Anyway, I set aside time tonight to write a brief trip update. I’ll just start by saying this: I don’t know when I’m leaving for London yet. We are nearing my anticipated departure date (roughly mid January) that would fulfill the 4 month internship requirement, allowing me to be back for graduation in May. There is a certain financial situation that is making the desired departure time questionable; Not out of the question completely, but questionable.

For a majority of vacation, the unknown factors of this trip, such as when I’ll be leaving, where I’ll be staying, or not knowing if I’ll ever have enough money have kept me feeling pretty intimidated by the whole thing. The whole process has felt so slow in coming. Instead of doing what planning I can, dreaming, praying, & being excited, I’ve largely allowed myself to waste my energies on worrying over things I can’t control. I knew that it wasn’t doing any good, but I didn’t know how to shake myself free from the cloud of doubt that hung over my head. Sometimes I still feel a little rain drip-dropping on my head.

But I think that I’ve come to realize that God hasn’t brought me this far for nothing. I’ve seen that God cares about the details of this process. Just when I thought fundraising was at a standstill and that not much more would be coming in, there’s been a burst of people interested in helping me get to London – some that I wouldn’t expect or think of asking help from. Not to mention, my church has recently contributed a sizable amount, which has left me speechless and humbled. Praise the Lord for His provision.

Some time last summer, I underlined these words in John 6: “After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him.” This happens just after Jesus has told his followers that He is the Son of God and that it is only through Him that there is life. The disciples that turned away doubted that what He said was true. They didn’t believe that it could be possible, because they could not envision that what they had read about the Messiah in the Scriptures would be fulfilled this way. Their plans didn’t turn out like they had expected. So they just walked away and are not mentioned again. When I underlined that initially, I knew in a very real sense that I could’ve been one of them. I’m not proud to say that I catch myself doubting a lot. I lose sight of the good that God has already done for me, and I doubt what He says to be true. I doubt that He has a plan, because the one that I have envisioned isn’t being fulfilled in the way I thought. Those disciples couldn’t see that Jesus was God’s Son, because He wasn’t what they were expecting. Their own plans ruined them, because Jesus was the Son of God. He is the Son of God.

Jesus asks the remaining twelve disciples, “Do you want to go away as well?” I want to be like Peter, who, though he wasn’t perfect and sometimes made a royal mess of things, answered with, “Lord, to whom shall we go?”

My Father is holding on tightly to me. He doesn’t let me walk too far before He calls down the road after me, saying, “Don’t you remember what I’ve done for you? Just look at what I’m doing now.” I have peace now that things will work out in God’s time; that He sees me and knows what is left in this process. I know that my initial, envisioned plan may not happen like I thought. But it’s when I hear the Father’s voice reminding me of His faithfulness, that I slow my walk on my path of doubt that I now see was leading to nowhere. That’s when all I can do is turn around, fall to my knees, and whisper, “Lord, to whom else shall I go?”

God is in this and He is providing. However, prayer continues to be important and needed. Please pray for the people of London. Pray for an awakening of hearts and minds to see the life that Christ gives, along with the purpose and hope that He offers. Please also pray for me, for two things- The first is that God would break my heart for the people of London; That I wouldn’t feel overwhelmed and lost in a busy city of 7 million people, but that I would see and love the souls around me. Secondly, please pray for boldness – to see each opportunity that God puts before me and to take it willingly, though it might be new and uncomfortable. Lastly, please pray that finances would line up. I know and have seen that money ain’t no thang with our powerful God. Nonetheless, it is a realistic, logistical thing that is needed before the work can begin. Thank you to all who have been praying and all who have helped support me. It wouldn’t be possible without you, and I’m so thankful for such a wonderful home team that is joining in this work with me. Good things are in store.

Cheers,

Becky G.

Please enjoy these pictures from break, starring my too-adorable-to-comprehend little nugget of a niece.

The Inadequate Words of an Awakening Soul.

Breathe in. All the way in. Now, out. All the way out.

In this moment, I’m thankful for silence. In the stillness, there’s a reverent beauty that we so often miss. It’s tragic, really. We live day to day in our North American way, too busy to have time for silence. But we need it. Desperately. God can’t speak to our hearts without it. The absence of silence erodes our spiritual health. It is in those moments that God gently whispers, “Don’t forget…I love you. I have everything under control.”

Lord, thank you for the gift of silence and for meeting with us there.

This week has been anything but silent, and I’m feeling the effects of it tonight. It’s been a wonderful week; an impacting, inspiring, heart-wrenching week, but definitely a busy one. I’ve been prone to spontaneous weeping (sounds like a vile disease or something, doesn’t it?). But they haven’t been sad tears…mostly tears of gratitude mixed with tears of desperation for more of the Father. Even thinking about that fact makes me want to cry, because for so long I’ve been so thirsty to even have the desire to desire more of the Father. If that makes sense at all.

I ask for your forgiveness as I write this post. I feel like I’ve been so filled to overflowing that I’m not sure how to adequately say it in words.

Let me try and give you the (very) abridged version of this week. We had “Incite” at school this week (formerly known as Missions Week…just not edgy enough). Dr. Jackson, the head of the missions organization Global Partners, came to speak to us about God’s mission on Tuesday & Wednesday, and we had our banquet Wednesday afternoon (Mozambique themed). Being surrounded by African culture filled me with excitement that in just a few short weeks, it’ll be real.

Fast forward to yesterday, where I spent my day in Halifax, NS at Jesus to the Nations. A group of 10 female Global majors piled into a van at 6 am, graciously driven by Dr. Peed who was accompanied by his lovely wife. We arrived at about 10, where we spent the rest of the day in the fellowship of roughly 600 people, all eager to hear about what God is doing globally. We sang worship, we laughed at the joyful & energetic emcee. We cringed & adjusted our eyes as we crawled out of our little comfortable homes of ignorance & indifference. We heard stories of miracles and lives transformed. We were given a glimpse of the power of our God as we heard about witchdoctors now surrendered to the Christ who saved them.

We experienced first hand how the Body takes care of one another when a generous & delightful couple took us in for the night, ordered us pizza at 11 pm and let us stay up until 1:30 watching Les Mis in a comfortable room, kept warm by the cozy and aromatic wood stove. We heard story after story in church this morning of the lives of young men who had lost all hope before their lives were dramatically and totally transformed by Jesus. We saw these once desperate, once drug-addicted, once alcoholic men bowing at the alters in gratitude, praying for one another, seeking more of the same Christ who saved them.

In all of this week, the faithfulness of God keeps me on my knees. The joy of knowing that that former witchdoctor is now my brother – that former drug addict is now my brother, keeps me on my knees. The idea of taking risks for God and the importance of living by faith & not by sight keeps me on my knees. Learning to trust the Father keeps me on my knees. The realization of danger, cost, & sacrifice for the glory of God keeps me on my knees. That God somehow wants to use me despite everything I think I’m not keeps me on my knees. The undeserved yet unconditional love of the Father keeps me on my knees.

Is it possible to be given so much truth at once that you feel as though you’re not sure what you’ve actually learned in the end? That’s what this week has felt like. I don’t think I’ll ever really be able to organize everything I’ve learned in my mind, but one thing is for sure. God has awakened my spirit. It’s astounding to me how much clearer that once foggy & scary path of my future is becoming. He’s revealing to me the selfishness that has so long kept my heart brutally captive and is breaking me. Nothing in this life is about me. It’s about the will and mission of the Father to bring all people to himself. The beauty of the global Church is breathtaking. I want more of the God of the African church; more of the God of the Indian church; the fill-in-the-blank-here church. He’s the same God, the one living God. He’s the God that loves the broken & poor that the world hates and ignores. It should be our desire as well as our responsibility to tell them that His love is unlike any other – that they have worth & a purpose through Christ who gave His life for them. What could possibly be stopping us? An easy life and comfort are not enough.

I’m amazed at the way in which God keeps gently pushing me forward in my call, which I so fervently doubted until fairly recently. He’s replacing fear with compassion that runs much deeper, and still has so much work to do. But He will do it, because I’ve seen His faithfulness anew. I cried out to Him with all my doubts, all my fears, all my reasons for my inadequacy, and He answered with,

“Don’t forget…I love you. I have everything under control.”

“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever. Amen.” -Ephesians 3:20-21

May God refresh you this week,

Becky G.

From home to Africa (and everything in between).

My oh my. How the time has flown.

My deepest apologies for being so MIA lately. These past few weeks have been full of new adventures & incredible life to be lived.

I’ll begin with March break. I went home for the week & brought my roommate along like I do every year. It’s always such a beautiful and blessed week each year, in different ways. This year, Amanda & I tested the waters of business. We started a tiny T-shirt ‘business’ that features states, provinces, and countries (Pretty Sweet Tees – check it out on facebook. It’s kind of a big deal). We initially made our own shirts with our own states on them for fun, but decided we might be able to sell them to a few people at school. Well, a few turned into 40. We were busy all week tracing, cutting, ironing, and sewing. We are currently working on our next round of orders. It’s been a learning experience & a blessing for sure. God provides in such funny ways. Beyond the blooming T-shirt business, we spent the week exploring some of my favorites places in Maine, including my beloved Rockland (which I wrote about in a previous post), line dancing with Mom, & eating out so much. My parents were a huge blessing (as usual) all week. Such fun.

It’s amazing to me the ways in which God has been providing so perfectly – not that I should be surprised. There has never been a time in my life when He hasn’t provided for me. I guess my realization of the fact just isn’t always consistent. I’ve been so aware of it lately, though.

For the past couple months, a trip to Senegal, Africa for this summer has been in the works. It was important to me to explore the idea of trip overseas before my internship. Having never been overseas, I’ve been so eager to get a taste of it and to have my eyes opened to new things – new culture, new people, new weather, new worship, a new view of who God is. I’ve been in contact with some folks who have graciously opened up the possibility of me staying with them for the duration of a couple weeks. God has been working big time in this whole process. Things have lined up so perfectly & more beautifully than I could’ve ever imagined. I found out yesterday that my Aunt is able to come with me, which is such a huge blessing. I know it won’t all be good feelings & sunshine. I know it will be hard. It will be heartbreaking. I pray that God will be glorified & that He would stretch me – that He would work on those places in my heart that have grown complacent and cold to alive and ablaze with love. I’m so thankful for this opportunity to learn how to surrender & lean more fully on my Father. We leave with only a couple days in between finals and my flight – which is crazy for me. I’m a planner and so to have so little time to plan and prepare seems so unorthodox. But I think it’s good. There’s no room for overthinking or worry (I’m really good at both of those things). Wow. Wow wow wow. This is happening. I guess it’s time to brush up on my French after these…ahem…3 years.

So there you go – the biggest news in this little life lately. My comfort level feels like it’s flying high above my head & out of my reach. But it’s good. Safe isn’t where I want to be. Complacent isn’t where I want to be. There’s so much I have yet to see and to learn. As God lovingly pulls me into deeper relationship with Him, there’s more risk and dependence involved. I hate it and love it at the same time. It comes back around again to trust. I don’t know what He has in store, but I know it will be good.

O for grace to trust Him more.

Peace be upon you,
Becky G.

 

Some pictures from break 🙂